Going up?

I had come into work about forty minutes before my shift started and, feeling lazy, decided to take the lift instead of the stairs to the canteen. The lift arrived and the doors opened. In the lift was a middle-aged woman who shuffled on her feet a bit before speaking.

Winona: “Come in, come in! Plenty of room in here.”

I just smile and step in and push the button for the floor I want to go to.

Winona: “Do you work here?”

Me: “I do, yeah.”

The lift stops on another floor and when the door opens we see a lady with a pram.

Winona: “Come on in.”

The woman politely refuses.

Winona: “She must not like me. Probably thinks I’m an odd one. I suppose you think that as well?”

Me: “Ah, no. I’ve seen all sorts in here so I’m used to this kind of carry on.”

She exhales loudly as the lift stops on her floor and shuffles out talking to herself–“Oh, he’s seen all sorts in here. I’m an all sort am I?”

Just when I thought I’ve seen it all Winona comes along and proves me wrong. # BaldManProblems

Hugh Hefner would be ashamed of you.

I was on and off the information desk for most of the day today. At one point during the day I was sitting there when a middle aged man came up to me.

Conservative Conor: “Hello there.”

Me: “Howiya!?”

Conservative Conor: “I’m very well, thank you. I have a complaint I would like to make. Firstly I would like to commend you on what a wonderful store you have and that I’ve been coming here for a number of years. ”

Me: “Good stuff. What seems to be the problem?”

Conservative Conor: “Well I noticed that you sell Playboy.”

Me: “Yup, we stock a bit of everything here.”

Conservative Conor: “Because of you stocking such a magazine I’m afraid I will be taking my custom elsewhere.”

Me: “Right! Well to be honest I’m not the person you should be talking to about this. I can get you a manager if you like?”

Conservative Conor: “No, that won’t be necessary. Please just pass it on. Goodbye now.”

Off he goes leaving me baffled.

Of all things to complain about this one takes the biscuit. Playboy is quite tame in comparison to the other magazines. I only know this because I’ve seen scantly dressed individuals in Penthouse and Attitude that puts Playboy to shame. I only look at those titles because Penthouse has better articles and Attitude has a good fashion column.

I do wish I could have said more to this fellow. # BaldManProblems

Ya what?

Things not to say to your manager.

Manager: “So I’ll be all set to have that coffee chat with you on Saturday.”

Me: “Oh great! Our coffee date. Can we hold hands?”

Manager: “No…”

He seemed so enthusiastic at the beginning and then his mood changed quite abruptly. I wonder what caused that? # BaldManProblems.

She took that well

I was walking swiftly to the bathroom because I needed to lose some weight. As I approached the stairs to head to the locker room two old women stopped me for a moment.

Nora: “Excuse me? I’m looking for the Buy and Sell.”

Me: “That’s no longer in print. You can only see it online now.”

Nora: “Awh! I’m sick of all this online shite! What about the old people who don’t use it?”

Me: “Well, I don’t think they’re really concerned about you. They see a future and you’re not in it.”

Betty: “He’s right you know…”

Nora: “Bah! We old people have all the money, not you young folk.”

Nora and Betty take their leave.

I’m glad my response was taken so well otherwise that could have ended badly. # BaldManProblems

There’s a first time for everything

I served a family of four when I had a brief stint on the till earlier on today. They seemed like a decent bunch. The child-folk were crying out for some chocolate and eventually the mother-woman caved and got them some but not before telling them they had to wait until after dinner to eat it. The mother-woman gave the chocolate to the father-man and he placed it on the counter with the rest of the items they wanted.

As I started to scan through the items the young girl of the child-folk, who was no more than six, started to mess with the card reader.

Father-man to young girl–“You can’t be messing with that!”

Me: “Yeah, you’ll get a shock off it if the card isn’t in it and your hair will fall out. That’s what happened to me.”

The young girl whips her hand away and looks at me wide eyed.

Father-man: “Haha!”

I finished the sale and bagged up their items.

As they were leaving the young girl looks up at me before she follows her family-folk–“I won’t loose my hair, I’ll just cut it off…then I’ll come back and cut your glasses.” She skips away after that leaving me dumbfounded.

I’ve never been threatened by a child-folk before. Guess there’s a first time for everything. # BaldManProblems

The Second Guess

I met up with the Mother earlier for a coffee and a wander around town to play a bit of catch up. It was a nice little get together. Our walk-abouts took us into Pennys because the Mother needed to pick up some sunkissed tights for the Sister. She picked up the sunkissed tights and we began to leave.

As we were leaving I noticed there was a little girl, who was no more than five, belting out the alphabet. I’ll have to admit, it was quite cute. Yes, quite cute until she got to end. I’m sure you’re all aware how the alphabet goes, I thought I did until I heard this girls rendition.

Little Girl: “a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,l,m,n,o,p,q,r,s,t,u,v,w,x,y,A,z.”

y,A,z, I thought to myself. That can’t be right.

The little girl repeated herself and again she ended it with an ‘A’ before the ‘Z’.

I ended up having to do a few laps of the alphabet around my head and during the few laps I kept tripping over myself as I reached the end.
Was the ‘A’ always there? I had to keep asking myself this for a few minutes afterwards.

I never usually second guess myself but after that rendition of the alphabet I’m finding it hard not to. # BaldManProblems