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You can’t be doing that!

I was sitting down in the library and needed to check my timetable that I kept in my pocket. Now, rather than standing up to take it out I just sat there with my left hand deep in my pocket making aggravated groans as I rummaged around and tried to reach it. To the people around me I must have looked like I was trying educate my trouser snake in the library but I was really just searching for my timetable.

I think next time I’ll have to stand up to avoid suspicion. And I thought college was all about accepting the differences of others. # BaldManProblems.

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It can’t be. That’s impossible!

I can’t prove it yet but I’m convinced one of my lecturer’s is a Sith Lord. Yesterday, in front of a gathering of students in one of the theatres he said, and I quote: “You’ll grow to hate me but that’s OK because hate makes me stronger.”

Looks like getting a degree has become more treacherous than I had previously imagined. # BaldManProblems

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Just when I thought it was safe

While waiting for my bus there was a protest going on. There was about ten people, that’s a pretty good turn out as far as Irish protests go. They were outside a solicitors office saying that they were victims of the Irish legal system. My bus arrived and I went to sit upstairs. As I went to take my seat there was two young lads with their mouths pressed up to the little windows.

Lad 1: “Ya bunch of cunts!”

Lad 1 sits back down and turns to his mate–“What’s the Irish legal system anyway?”

Lad 2: “I haven’t a clue. I think it’s something to do with bills and stuff.”

Lad 1: “Sounds shite!”

Just went I thought it was safe to use public transport again. # BaldManProblems

2

What have you become?

Andy is playing Battlefield 4 while I comb my beard, I’m just out of the shower and I thoroughly enjoy running a comb through my facial hair when it’s all soft and scented.

Me: “So does Battlefield take wind speed and all that lark in to account when you’re fighting?”

Andy: “Yes, there’s a lot more to it than pointing the gun and just firing.”

Me: “So Call of Duty is more shooty-shooty-bang-bang and Battlefield is more tactical?”

Andy: “That’s right. It always feels like an accomplishment when you kill someone in this one.”

Me: “Jaysus!”

I’m suddenly worried about who I’m living with now. I want to have the Fantasy/Viking Andy back who took great joy in conversing about dragons, fairies, and Celine Dion. My heart won’t go on if he keeps up his blood lusting ways. # BaldManProblems

2

The Dublin Chainsaw Massacre

He was a short lump of man dressed all in beige. Beads of sweat lined his forehead.

Sweaty Steve: “Excuse me, young man. Would you have this book in audio?”

He places the book he’s looking for on the counter.

Me: “I’ll check it out for you.”

I go get the audio book for him.

Me: “Here you go.”

Sweaty Steve: “That’s great, I’ll take both.” He looks at my tattoo’s–“Jaysus, would you have a motorcycle to go with those tattoos of yours?”

Me: “Ha,ha! No, I prefer public transport.”

Sweaty Steve: “Would you ever think of getting one?”

Me: “No, I consider them deathtraps.”

Sweaty Steve: “WHAT!? So is a chainsaw if you put it on your head.”

Me: “Right.”

I never thought of it like that. Life seems to make more sense to me now. That guy was a stubby genius, so glad to have met him. # BaldManProblems

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But I hate courtesy calls

I just received a phone call from the bank telling me that my lodgement was successful. This is a first for me since I’ve never received a phone call about a lodgement making its way into an account. I kind of groaned a little and thought: Who would be calling me at this ungodly hour of 09:50; I’m still in my underwear and in no position to take calls. Anyway, I answered the phone.

Lucy: “Hello, this is Lucy from Red Hand Bank.”

Me: “Ah, hello there.”

Lucy: “This is just a courtesy call to let you know that your lodgement was successful.”

Me: “Oh, that’s nice. Thanks.”

Lucy: “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

This question caused me to pause for a moment because I don’t even bank with this crowd and thought it odd that they would ask me, but I guess it’s just standard procedure since calls are recorded and they have to tick the boxes of questions they ask.

Me: “Ah, no. I just want you to promise me you’ll have a great day.”

Lucy: “Ha,ha!”

Me: “Ha,ha! In all seriousness, I don’t suppose you’d like to grab a coffee sometime?”

Lucy: “That wouldn’t be appropriate. You have a great weekend.”

The call ends quite quickly after that

That’s a shame, she sounded lovely, and her laugh loosened the elastic around the waist of my boxers. I wonder why she declined a chance for a coffee? # BaldManProblems