My faith has withered

I was serving a lovely bearded fellow earlier. Goodness radiated off him and I’m sure his farts would have smelled like rose scented farts.
Larry places his book on the counter.

Me: “Hi, how are ya?”

Larry: “Fine, thank you.”

Me: “Would you like a bag for this?”

Larry: “That would be lovely.”

I quickly whip out a bag–”Abracadabra!”

His face lights up with a wonderful smile.

Me: “And now for my next trick, I’ll make your money disappear.”

Larry: “Ha,ha! You’re funny.”

Me: “Oh, stop it.”

Larry takes his leave and another fellow takes his place. He’s buying a travel guide to Scotland.

William: “Have I got a story for you!”

Me: “Go on.”

William: “My new employer wants someone to give guided tours of Scotland through French. The French bit is no problem for me, the Scotland bit is a bit tricky since I’ve never been there.”

Me: “How do you expect to give guided tours to a place you’ve never been?”

William: “Well, I’ve been to England, and that’s pretty much the same place. I’ll also study this book.”

Me: “Yeah, somehow I don’t think that will work.”

William: “Ah, it will be grand. Now all I need to do is make up a fake reference for my employer.”

William goes off with a big grin on his face.

What the hell? Who takes a job as a tourist guide for a part of the world they’ve never been? I pity the French tourists who get stuck with him.
I much preferred my interaction with Larry. He laughed at my magic tricks, complimented me, and restored my faith in humanity. William, on the other hand, quashed my faith in humanity right after Larry left. # BaldManProblems


Well that was shocking

I’ve been getting some extra hours in work. It’s great; more money means I can stock up on Aldi brand beans and live the good life. I was at the desk, where I usually find myself at the weekend, when an old nun approached me.

Sister Pleasant: “Oh, a man. A girl is usually here and she serves me.”

Me: “Would you like me to get a lady for you?”

Sister Pleasant: “Em, no. I suppose you’ll do.”

Me: “I can put on a high pitched voice to make it feel like you’re being served by a long haired woman.”

Sister Pleasant: “I’ll come back again. Goodbye.”

She wanders off on me before I can assist her.
Jaysus, that’s the first time a nun didn’t want to be served by me. If the day wasn’t dull enough my friend went a got himself electrocuted while climbing about in work. Who does that? He got a trip to the hospital, had four burly paramedics put there hands on him, and got leave work early. What an attention seeker. I’m really glad he was OK and wasn’t hurt that bad. If I were to lose him I don’t what I would do. I’d probably find a new friend to replace him, but I’d mourn for a bit while I was looking for one. I should really start letting him know how much I care about him while he is still around. Ugh! Feelings! # BaldManProblems


Like a shepherd without a flock

I’m not a business man and have no desire to ever become one but I can safely say it was a fairly average day in terms of business yesterday. Customers were wandering around like a flock of sheep that had lost their shepherd but still managed to make their way to the tills.

A youngish woman, who turned out to be mad as a March hare in April, made her way up to me.

Rowena: “I’m looking for a book that gives you the exact details on how to study the auras of people.”

Me: “We wouldn’t have anything like that here.”

Rowena: “How disappointing. I must say that you have an air of negativity about you.”

Me: “I wouldn’t say it’s “negativity”, more like a realistic twang.”

She looks intrigued–”You study auras?”

Me: “Of course not.”

She takes her leave.

The day dragged on quite slowly after that. Yes, quite slowly until a minor interaction with an elderly woman.

Bridget: “Hello. What time are you finished at.”

She’s unsure whether to smile or not.

Me: “Out of here at seven, so I am.”

Bridget: “Oh, that’s a long day.”

Me: “Ah, no.”

Bridget just stares at me, hoping that I will add more to the conversation that she tried to start. Seeing that she is getting no where she sighs and trudges towards the stairs.

Bridget seemed lonely. I probably should have continued on the conversation a little longer. Ah well! Plenty of time for conversations with old lady-folk today. As for your one who said I had a negativity aura. What the hell was with that? I know I’m not Capitan Positivity, but she could have had some finesse and tried to spare my feelings instead of being so outright with her insolent observation…Words can hurt. # BaldManProblems


Oh, digestion, how you’ve let me down

I was out getting a bite to eat with Sarah. The food was meaty and delightful. After the food I decided that I needed to use the Little Bald Man’s Room. I try to open the door and it doesn’t budge. I figured someone was in there, so I started to play the waiting game. From behind me I hear a staff member–”Em, try pulling the door a little harder.”
Sure enough, that was the problem with the door and no one was in there.

Well, my face was red. I should really stop trying to open doors before my food has digested properly. # BaldManProblems


It’s a strange, strange world

Sweltering heat outside has caused my work station below ground to become hotter than a baker’s oven. Fans that are on full blast are doing little to negate the effects of the heat.

I try to get on with my work and make the most of it.
An middle-aged man approaches me while on the phone– I absolutely hate when people do that. He places his book down. I say nothing as I scan it through. He’s still on the phone. I can hear the conversation going on since he has the thing on loudspeaker. He was going to meet up with his missus for a coffee. He hangs up after they agree where to meet.

Me: “You’re mad to drink coffee in this heat with the missus.”

Ronald: “How did you know I was doing that?”

Me: “Hard not to with your phone on loudspeaker.”

He just glares as he pays and walks away.

Me: “Enjoy.”

Shortly after him a lad places down two autobiographies by the same author.

Jim: “Which one is the second one?”

Me: “The one with the two after the title. It’s a dead giveaway.”

Jim: “So the one without the two is the first one?”

Me: “You got it, sista!”

Jim: “I’ll get that one.”

Jim buys the first book and goes.

The heat really does strange things to people. I really wish it could wait until I’m not working before sending in loonies. # BaldManProblems


Pheromones! EVERYWHERE!

It was fierce busy yesterday; so busy, the pheromones of the customers were mixing together to cause a odd whiff to be left in the air. I was on the service desk when she approached me. I had no where to run. I had to do my job.

Me: “How are you?”

Trudy: “Fine…”

I scan through her items and tell her the total. She goes to hand me her card.

Me: “If you’d like to just place it in the machine there.”

Trudy: “I have to put it in myself?”

Me: “Oh, you do, yeah.”

Trudy: “Some service.”

Me: “Well, you wouldn’t ask a stranger to put your card into an ATM. Think of it like that.”

Trudy: “GOD!”

The transaction is completed and she wanders off, muttering to herself as she leaves.

Shortly after her, an old, happy chap of man hobbles up to me after coming out of the lift.

Happy Harry: “Oh, ha, heh! I’d hate to meet you in a dark ally with all those tattoos on you. Oh, ha, heh, heh!”

Me: “Ha! Yeah…”

Happy Harry: “Ha, heh, heh!”

He hobbles off down the shop.

Happy Harry seemed like a nice lump of an old man. Someone I could probably have a decent conversation with in-between all his laughter. As for Trudy? Well, she was a foul demon-women who was riddled with airs and graces. I didn’t like her. # BaldManProblems


“A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight”

I had the strangest dream last night: The Mother keeps nagging me to visit the Granddad and to make sure I bring down potatoes to him. This conversation went on around a number of locations in my dream.


It’s 1847, and Bald Man and the Mother are waiting to board the Jeannie Johnson with the hope of setting up a potato factory in Chicago.

The Mother: “Here! Before we get on the ship pop over and say hello to the Granddad.Oh, and while you are that, bring over the last bag of spuds.
He’ll like that.”

Me: “Why do I always have to visit him? And what’s with your fascination of potatoes?”

The Mother: “You’re his favourite and we’re Irish, ever culture has an obsession. Look at the French, mad for the wine.”

Me: “You know–” I don’t find out what I say. I just end up waking up.

This is the second time I’ve had this dream. I really wish I could dream about something else besides the Mother, the Granddad, and potatoes. # BaldManProblems