No laugh? But I made a funny.

Everyone has those moments where they say something that they find hilarious to someone but it’s lost on the other person. I had one of those moments today.

A French woman came up to the service desk looking to do an exchange.
She placed the book down on the counter that she wanted to change.

Fiona: “Hi, I would like to return this book. It turns out I already read in French.”

Me: “Oh, this book is much better in English. HAHA!”

Fiona: “What?…Oh, yes…Can I pick something else?”

Me: “Yeah, sure thing. Go have a wander and come back when you’ve found something else.”

I laughed to myself quite a bit about my joke. It’s a real shame she didn’t get it, though. # BaldManProblems

Do or do not. There is no try.

We were asked to try and interpret a statement made by a philosopher in class today. I decided to have a bash at it. While giving my interpretation I mentioned butterflies and how it’s not a possible to turn into one because I’m not a caterpillar.

Lecturer Phil: “So you’re saying you can’t turn into a butterfly?”

Me: “Well through cosmetic and re-constructive surgery I could blossom into a beautiful butterfly. Without it, no, I couldn’t.”

Lecturer Phil: “Hmmm…Interesting.”

Feckin Philosophy. # BaldManProblems

Easy like Sunday morning me hole!

So far Sunday morning has showered me with a few predicaments. The first one let itself in while I was making coffee for Andy and me. I was loading up the cups with coffee, then I went for the sugar. Now, as I held the sugar in my hand my mind decided to go off and do its own thing and left my hands to themselves. A bit inconsiderate if you ask me. When my mind came back it observed the mess my hands made in the two cups.

Me: “Hey Andy?”

Andy: “What’s up?”

Me: “Are you OK with sugar in your coffee?”

Andy: “Why?”

Me: “Well my mind wandered while I was making it and now there’s sugar in both coffees.”

Andy: “How much sugar?”

Me: “Just the one.”

Andy: “Ah, it’s fine.”

Me: “Great!”

The second predicament arrived as I was messing about on the painting app on my computer.

Me: “Hey Andy! What’s the name of that stylus thing you can connect to your computer to make using paint a bit easier?”

Andy: “Eh, a stylus.”

Me: “Haha! Oh right. I answered that one myself.”

Oh Sunday, you really pick your moments to get the better of me. # BaldManProblems

There was no getting rid of him

It was a fairly quiet one in work last night so I got a chance to wander the shop floors and put out some stock. My wanderings took me to the floor above me and caused me to have an interaction with an odd individual.

I was over at a trolley getting some stock when I dropped some. Over he runs to help pick them up. That was nice of him.

Toothless: “Ah, the tattooed man. Haha!”

Me: “That’s me.”

Toothless: “Will you get any more? You won’t will you?”

Me: “When I have some money I’ll get more.”

Toothless: “Oh, that’s shocking. Do you have any on your legs? Your back? I’d say your chest is covered.”

He was starting to bother me. I figured I could get rid of him with my next response.

Me: “None on the chest or back. Some on my legs and bum.”

Toothless: “On your bum? Really? I’d say that hurt.”

Still lingering about.

Me: “Actually it was quite pleasurable.”

Toothless: “Would you ever get your private parts done?”

Me: “No plans at the moment. Look, I’ve to go back and make a phone call.”

Toothless: “Who else has their bum tattooed?”

Me: “Cheryl Cole. You could smell roses off it. Goodbye now.”

Christ on a unicycle eating a banana! He was a difficult one to get rid of. Usually one mention of my left cheek would end an conversation with a customer. Looks like I’ll have to up my game. # BaldManProblems

“Here’s looking at you, Roxie.”

The Lady Friend and I decided to watch a movie together. We picked ‘Chicago’. It wasn’t my choice, I wanted to watch ‘The Hulk’. I went along with it anyway because I mistook it for something else. It was only towards the end when I thought something was up.

Me: “When’s that “Here’s looking at you, kid” aeroplane scene coming up?”

The Lady Friend: “That’s ‘Casablanca’, you tit!”

Me: “Ah, right. ”

Well there’s two hours I won’t be getting back. # BaldManProblems

Where’s my spirit gone?

The couple approached me with a spring in their step and a smile on their face. That’s always a good sign. Customers usual look indifferent to their surroundings in here. They placed a spiritual book on the counter. The woman did all the talking.

Rhonda: “Do you know anything about this book?”

Me: “Only that the author was called out as being a charlatan about a year or two ago.”

Rhonda: “What!? Really?”

Me: “Yeah. Not much of a surprise considering the field she’s “working” in.”

Rhonda: “Oh…that’s a real shame.”

Me: “Would you still like it?”

Rhonda: “Y…e…a…h”

They both leave kind of sad.

I didn’t mean to bring them down. I’ve just gotten into the habit of not lying to customers. It works well most of the time. # BaldManProblems